Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Contest

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C.; One from Illinois , one from Tennessee , and a third from Kentucky. They all go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Tennessee contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

'Well', he says, 'I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.'

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, 'I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.'

The Illinois contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, '$2,700.'

The official, incredulous, whispers back, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?'

The Illinois contractor whispers back, '$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire that guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.'

'Done!' replies the government official. And that my friends, is how it all works!
(LeeAnne)

And Here's another


The very first ever Blonde GUY joke. And well worth the wait!

An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on
scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If I
get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off
this building.'

The Mexican! Opened his lunc h box and exclaimed,'Burritos again! If I get
burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.'

The blonde opened his lunch and said,' Bologna again! If I get a bologna
sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.'

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and
cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as
well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how
really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it
to him again!'

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or
enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'

(Oh this is SO GOOD!!)?

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,

'Don't look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch.'

(Bobby)

We haven't done this in a while....Send me your BEST Jokes and my lovely wife will pick the best joke and I'll find a prize for you. Last time Lorrie won a nice Coca Cola Thermos. I'll see if I can come up with something different this time. OH, Deadline is Friday, February 27th! You can leave them in my comment section or email them to garykwray@gmail.com .

Make um good!

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

OK folks lets get the party started...lol
Gary here is a joke for ya! I held out long enough.


Three bodies at the mortuary:

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
The Coroner tells the Inspector, "First body is a 72 year old Frenchman. He died of heart failure while with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile."
"The second body is an Irishman, 25 years of age. He won a thousand dollars on the lottery and spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.
" The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, 66, struck by lightning."
"Why is she smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought she was having her picture taken."


Maybe now some will send in their jokes.

Lorri

Anonymous said...

Two Large Plastic Garbage Bags
>
> A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large
> Plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once
> In a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.
>
> Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, "Ma'am, there are $20
> Bills falling out of your bag."
>
> "Oh, really? Darn!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go
> back, and
> See if I can find them. Thanks for telling me."
>
> "Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all
> that
> Money? "You didn't steal it, did you?"
>
> "Oh, no", said the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is
> right
> Next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans
> Come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand
> Behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his
> Thing through the fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes'.
>
> "Well, that seems only fair" laughs the cop. "OK. Good luck! Oh,
> by the
> Way, what's in the other bag?"
>
> "Well, you know", "not everybody pays".
>

lorri

Monogram Queen said...

I am terrible at telling jokes but I love to hear/read them!

joy said...

George W. Bush

~gkw said...

OK, we have 5 jokes if you want to include Joy's... LOL

I'll turn them over to Cheryl.

Anonymous said...

WHO WON?????

joy said...

If it made yuou LOL, it's obviously a legitimate joke!